Since the day she was placed into my arms in China, we have never been separated for longer than a work day.... 8-10 hours at most.
Today that is going to change. I am going on a business trip and I will not be back until Friday night.
I have butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat knowing that I will not be here for her every morning when she wakes up, each night when she goes to bed, and all the moments in between.
This trip was planned back in February and it seemed so far away.....but in the blink of an eye, the months flew by.
About 10 days ago I started getting really nervous about leaving. I even had a conversation with my boss where I hinted that I was not ready to leave her. He is a family man and he gets it. He told me the decision was mine and if I wanted to cancel the trip, I could. But in the next breath, he told me that with the direction I was headed with the company he thought it would be a good experience for me to go and if I wanted to cut the trip short by a day or two, that would be fine too.
Working in a predominantly male industry, I knew I had to make an attempt. My boss has been so good to me and to my family over the years, I had to do this. I know he would never hold it against me, but I just would not want it hanging over my head that I bailed at the last minute or that I could not really do all that my job description entails.....like travel a few times a year.
Ultimately, I think Reagan will be fine.....at least that is what I keep telling myself. I know she is in good hands her with her Daddy, Brother, and Sister. Her daily routine will not change at all.......the only thing that will be missing is me:(
My biggest fear is that she will reject me when I come home because I left her....and I pray that is not the case, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a concern. I know....how selfish of me.
She has done amazingly well the last 7 months and I would hate to see something like this set her back, but I guess we will never know unless we give it a try. If things get bad, I will change my flight and make my way home early. We also plan to skype each day so that we can all see each other. Hoping that this will be a help for everyone involved!
The Mommy guilt is kicking into high gear.......
I am leaving my family to go Las Vegas for our industry's annual convention.
In between meetings, I will be living in the lap of luxury at the Wynn hotel while Pat is here holding down the fort for the next five days. Doesn't seem fair, does it? I wish they could all come with me!
If you are the praying type, you might want to say a prayer or two for Pat.
The darling duo can be a handful from time to time! He will definitely have his work cut out for him.....and I am going to owe him big time when I get back home. He already has a day of golf planned for Saturday, but I think I he is going to need more than a round of golf to unwind after 5 days of flying solo.
Thank you honey.....you are the BEST and I LOVE YOU!