Questions?

March 28, 2012

Dancing in the Sunlight Sarah  BLOG
There is such a sweet innocence about Sarah.
I am not sure if you can see it in her photos, but there is a delicateness to her and at times, I would even consider her somewhat fragile. She is one of those kids that thinks pretty deeply and takes just about everything that is said, to heart.

For you mommy BLOG
The other night, I was laying with her in bed and just as she was ready to nod off, she rolled towards me and said, "Mommy, I did not grow in your belly, did I?"

Sarah with the bluebells portrait BLOG
The question, literally knocked the wind out of me..... It sort of took me by surprise because it came out when I was least expecting it. Earlier that night there was no talk of adoption, China, or babies, as there often is in our house. She almost appeared half asleep when she asked the question, but she knew exactly what she was asking.

Looking down at her bluebells BW BLOG
It took me a moment to collect my thoughts before I could respond. The one thing that I will always be with my girls when it comes to their adoption stories, is honest. I will never dodge specific questions, but I want to make sure my answers are very age appropriate. So, after taking a deep breath, I said, "No Sarah, you did not grow in my belly, you grew in another woman's belly and when you were born, we adopted you, just like we adopted Reagan."

Sarah Whispy Hair BLOG
Sarah can comprehend what we went through to get Reagan because she was here, she was a part of it. She knows that Reagan lived in an orphanage in China and that we went to go bring her home to become part of our family. Sarah's story is different and she sees photos of herself with us when she was just days old, so I think there was a little disconnect for her. She has heard us say many times that she was adopted, but I don't think she fully understood what it meant or it didn't quite resonate with her.

We have been reading a lot of kids adoption books lately, namely Kay Bratt's "Mei Li and The Wise Laoshi" and Jamie Lee Curtis's book, "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born". Things are starting to click and that is a good thing, I don't want her to have any doubts and I want her to come to us with her questions, but my heart aches when I think of some of the cold hard facts that I will one day need to share with her as she continues to work through this in her mind and the questions get deeper.

Sarah in the sunflare with the bluebells Crop2 BLOG
She accepted my answer, because I think she knew the answer, she just wanted reassurance, but then asked if Nicky was in my belly or was he in another woman's belly, like she and Reagan. When I told her that Nicky did grow in my belly, she said that she wished she did too and began to cry. It took every ounce of my being to choke back my own tears. I hugged her tight and told her that where she "grew" did not make a difference to us. We loved her just as much as we loved Nicky and Reagan. We were a family in search of baby and she was a baby that needed a family. God had a master plan and we were a match made in heaven. She was meant to be our daughter whether she grew in my tummy or not.

She hugged me back and said, "I love you and I am glad God picked you to be my Mommy", rolled over and fell asleep.

Sarah looking over Reagan's shoulder with bluebells BLOG
I am so thankful that these girls not only share the bond of sisterhood, but adoption too. As they get older and they better understand their adoption stories, they will not only have us, but they will have each other.

44 comments:

Mona's Picturesque said...

your post made me cry ♥
Your words are so beautiful... Your girls are so happy to have you as a mother. Obviously you are the best mother and a woman with a big big heart!

Rebecca Doyle Photography said...

Oh yes, I have tears too......I admire your honesty with your children. A wonderful thing - and lucky children :)

DiJo said...

Lisa,
A am glad God chose you for Sarah too. A beautiful and difficult conversation. I need to check out those two books!

These are some of my favorite photos I have seen from you. GORGEOUS!! MJ and Blue Bells! A perfect combination on your sweet girls!

Love,
DIana

Jboo said...

Those questions are hard and so out of the blue sometimes. You are great Mom and family. LOVE these photos!

Happy Wednesday!

janet

jennifer said...

What amazing photos of your precious girls! We have not started with questions yet, but I know it's coming. Like you, I am so thankful my girls have each other to share their history with!

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

what a tender sweet heart she has.

lea
xo

Keisha said...

How Precious! You are a Great Mommy & handled that question with Grace & Love! Nikki, Reagan & Sarah are very blessed! ;). I know Faith will talk/ask about her adoption too,... My prayer is that God will give me the words to uplift my baby girl ... One verse I love is Psalm 139:13-14
" 13 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well."

What that means is ... God Knew Sarah & Faith,& Reagan before we ever did while they were in their birth mothers womb!! He destined them to be with us as well! For that we will Praise Him! Hope this verse helps Sarah,... God Knows she pretty special!;)
Love & hugs!
Keisha

Mrs. Claus said...

crying this morning! What a sweet post and what an exceptional girl God has given your family!

Amy said...

Tears over here too!! You worded that beautifully! I often think about what it will be like when Milo begins to question things. Will it be different because he's a boy? (Not as "deep"?) Who knows. But I so appreciate any adoptive parent being willing to open up & share their responses, because it allows me to craft potential conversations in my head. Thank you for letting us "peek" into your family!! OH- my daughter is just about the same age as Sarah, and sounds almost like a carbon copy! Very deep thinker, can produce tears over even imagined injustices, and loves to ask the tough questions. I know those qualities will serve her well later in life, but it doesn't make for an easy parenting journey!!

Stefanie said...

Beautiful - you, Sarah and Reagan :)
oxoxox,
Stefanie

Gail said...

Little Sarah reminds me very much of Grace, sensitive, a bit fragile and a deep thinker. Grace was almost the same age as Sarah was when she first had similar questions.

You couldn't have answered them any better, thoughtfully and with great love. Sarah is so lucky to have you as her mommy!

Stunning pictures, Lisa. Beautiful light.

xoxoxo Gail :)

The Byrd's Nest said...

Lottie cried huge tears when I told her she didn't grow in my tummy...oh it was heartbreaking. That was the first question Lottie asked me also...there are more to come. She remind me of my Lottie, quiet in her thoughts and analyzing everything. Not too long ago, she asked me very difficult questions...oh dear....I just prayed my way through it. I am still shocked at what she has put together in her mind. You are a fabulous Mommy my friend:)

Jonni said...

This is such a beautiful and touching post Lisa and you are an amazing mom. Your are so lucky and so are they.

P.S. Gorgeous images as usual! :) XOXO

snekcip said...

One of your best post yet and the pictures just make it that more special. Sarah is such a precious soul. Your description of her is "right on target" with what I have always believed her personality to be. I love her inquisitive heart. Being a fellow adoptive mommy who is already navigating question, I think you handled it very well. I talk often of Bre's adoption with her. Bre as you know has a "very different" adoption story and we talk about adoption and death. It's good to "connect" with other adoptive families to hear how they handled the "difficult" but very NEEDED conversation. Thank you for sharing.

mommatojoa said...

What a touching story!
They are so lucky to have you as a mommy!

Anonymous said...

Aw, so sweet!

Andi said...

I was in the same situation...laying in bed with my daughter when she asked me the same question. When I saw your post I couldn't help but cry. It's hard to choke back the tears when they ask you something like that, and even harder when they tell you they are happy "you" are their Mommy.

Susan said...

That is so sweet! It's so nice you have such a wonderful and open relationship with the girls, and that they have such a wonderful bond as well.

I love the Jamie Lee Curtis book, such a great story. That said, I can't believe how tall Reagan has gotten! Wow!

likeschocolate said...

oK, you have me crying. OMG, the blue bell field is stunning. How lucky you are!

Ellie said...

so. sweet. your sarah is precious - and those questions knock the breath out of me also. though tia is not fragile. at. all. and more matter of fact about things :)

beautiful photos. you captured sarah exactly as you've described her. i love their outfits - tia has the same top - so. cute!

xo ellie

Teresa said...

Oh Lisa ~ I have tears in my eyes! I know that feeling of your heart sinking for a moment as mine did the same thing when Gabriella asked me if I was her "real mommy" last summer. James Dobson has always taught to answer the question they ask, in words they can understand; if they want to know more than the answer you give, they will ask more questions. It has worked for all children so far with all the difficult questions they have asked as they have grown. We will be keeping Sarah and your family in our prayers. I know Sarah is adopted but I have to be honest, I think she looks A LOT like you!!! Hugs!

Sophi Belle said...

Oh, poor thing! Sweet little girl. She is so beautiful, and delicate and fragile. And she is so lucky to have you as her mom, and you are so lucky to have her as your daughter. Hugs!! ❤❤

jade said...

You are as brave and strong as your two girls and you deserve the two great men in your family! And now I'm off to go and cry a little more over your post and get peaceful again looking at your pictures. Thank you!

Mia's Mommy said...

When I got to the part that Sarah cried... oh that hit my heart and my tears came, too. You handled this perfectly.

And I always love your blue bell photos. Gorgeous!

3 Peanuts said...

These questions always seem to come at night just before drifting off. I think that is when kids feel they can be vulnerable. Sounds like you handled it so well. Sarah's story was written by God so while parts of it might be hard for her some day, it is a beautiful story too.

Hugs,
Kim

Sharie said...

Tears here too; because I've been through it and know how hard it is for you as a mom. I couldn't even comprehend Amelia's loss until I lost my dad...and I realize that is so VERY different, but it's the only loss I've experienced in life that is close to what she's gone through.
Your girls have very different stories, and each of them will always feel that loss - but each will likely experience it in different ways. The questions always come when you least expect them. Amelia has a knack for asking them when I'm driving and can't look her in the eyes.

Leah Mei said...

Your post made me cry. You handled the questions beautifully. My daughter just turned five, and although she'll say things when she sees pictures like, "is that when you and daddy went to China to get me?" I know she does not completely understand. I pray for wisdom everyday that I handle the questions to come the right way. But I am petrified.

KandK said...

I started reading your post on the way home from work on my mobile and as soon as I read "Mommy, I did not grow in your belly, did I?" I literally started bawling my eyes out and had to wait to read the rest of the story once I arrived home. I so appreciate you sharing Sarah's story with us and the question that know I was "not suppose" to dread, but did. And by you telling us Sarah's story today and sharing your true feelings, I do not feel alone. Thank you, my friend.
God Bless,
Diane

Mimi said...

Well Lisa, you've some great comments here, and very helpful friends.
I felt a lump in my throat when I read that Sarah cried; we hate them to go through pain, don't we? You handled it all in your usual, wonderful way, and that is what will always make you the perfect Mother for Sarah, Reagan and Nicky, irrespective of where they "grew". Your family is so loving and beautiful.
It's hard when they ask such questions, I'm sure, so you'll be in my thoughts in the next few days.

Sharon said...

That just made me cry, she is so sweet and I am glad God picked you for her mommy too!

my3 kids said...

We have had the same questions and I know just what you mean how you can be caught off gaurd with our littles questions but you answered it beautifully:) I am glad God picked you to be Sarah's mom too....both our girls have said they wished they grew in my belly as their older brother did!! Beautiful pictures btw:)
Janice

Elena said...

Such a sweet post, I'm all choked up! What a smart cookie you have on your hands!

Jen said...

Your post reminded me so much of my girls. Both adopted, one from here, one from China, totally different stories, but still connected. Yes, it is good that they have each other.

Kim said...

I am a crying mess. A timely and beautiful post. Our Lucy will proudly tell you that she is adopted. But she doesn't fully understand that yet. As her questions come, I pray God will equip me to share as beautifully as you are doing with Sarah.

Faith, Hope, and Love said...

tears....

That was beautiful, Lisa! Sarah's sweet spirit shines through in all of your pics.

Sarah is very blessed to have you as her mommy and I'm thankful Sarah and Reagan share the special blessing of adoption.

I don't think we will ever know what it feels like to be adopted. But I am also grateful that my 4 girlies share that same bond so that they can be a support system to one another.

And like you...when my girls ask me these types of questions....I can barely speak. Its crazy how quickly the emotions come flooding.

Such love....

Have a blessed rest of the week!

Love and blessings,
Robin

Ivy said...

What a lovely post and your answers to her questions were obviously to the point and simple as she understood. She only knows you as her Mommy and will always love you as her Mommy. Very touching Lisa.

Hugs,

Ivy

Tara said...

Lisa,

Tears pouring down my cheeks. I ache for you as you had to have that hard, sweet, precious moment with Sarah in bed. Oh I just love the miracle of adoption... your story; Sarah's story, Reagan's story, and even Nick's story is perfect. Your answer to Sarah was perfect. And your family is beautiful. tara

Sharon Ankerich said...

Such a precious post of complete raw emotion! We adoptive parents are all going to go through this~ usually the mom carrying most of it. What a blessing you were to Sarah in such a tender moment. I heard a beautiful woman of 37 speak this weekend that is Korean adopted at 5 months. She talked of what our children went through the days in their birth mom's tummy, birth, and days waiting. Her book is Before You Were Mine: Discovering Your Adopted Child's Lifestory. I have ordered it and can't wait to read what she has written. I would highly recommend it to anyone that has adopted. Blessings and love! XO

Mindi and Adrian said...

Wow I love this post and I love your photos. Just perfect. Thanks!

Pieni Lintu said...

Oh, so sweet girl. I'm crying here now!!! <3

Gina @ Gigi Marie Photography said...

Oh my Lisa- what a heavy conversation for such a young one. You handled it well although I can only imagine how difficult that must have been. Your love for your family shows through here, it's beautiful to see. I love seeing the bond your girls have & it's no different than the one my girls share. It melts my heart the same way. LOVE IT!

Kelly-Marie said...

Wow all your photo's are just breathtakingly gorgeous, loving these two girlies they are such beautiful models x

Kelly said...

What a beautiful set of photos of the girls Lisa.

Virginia said...

Oh yes, I think it absolutely shows through in the photos you take of her. Love these shots..she is so, so pretty. What a heavy conversation, but you handled it beautifully, Lisa. Sounds like it was exactly what Sarah needed to hear.

Gin =)