There is such a sweet innocence about Sarah.
I am not sure if you can see it in her photos, but there is a delicateness to her and at times, I would even consider her somewhat fragile. She is one of those kids that thinks pretty deeply and takes just about everything that is said, to heart.
The other night, I was laying with her in bed and just as she was ready to nod off, she rolled towards me and said, "Mommy, I did not grow in your belly, did I?"
The question, literally knocked the wind out of me..... It sort of took me by surprise because it came out when I was least expecting it. Earlier that night there was no talk of adoption, China, or babies, as there often is in our house. She almost appeared half asleep when she asked the question, but she knew exactly what she was asking.
It took me a moment to collect my thoughts before I could respond. The one thing that I will always be with my girls when it comes to their adoption stories, is honest. I will never dodge specific questions, but I want to make sure my answers are very age appropriate. So, after taking a deep breath, I said, "No Sarah, you did not grow in my belly, you grew in another woman's belly and when you were born, we adopted you, just like we adopted Reagan."
Sarah can comprehend what we went through to get Reagan because she was here, she was a part of it. She knows that Reagan lived in an orphanage in China and that we went to go bring her home to become part of our family. Sarah's story is different and she sees photos of herself with us when she was just days old, so I think there was a little disconnect for her. She has heard us say many times that she was adopted, but I don't think she fully understood what it meant or it didn't quite resonate with her.
We have been reading a lot of kids adoption books lately, namely Kay Bratt's "Mei Li and The Wise Laoshi" and Jamie Lee Curtis's book, "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born". Things are starting to click and that is a good thing, I don't want her to have any doubts and I want her to come to us with her questions, but my heart aches when I think of some of the cold hard facts that I will one day need to share with her as she continues to work through this in her mind and the questions get deeper.
She accepted my answer, because I think she knew the answer, she just wanted reassurance, but then asked if Nicky was in my belly or was he in another woman's belly, like she and Reagan. When I told her that Nicky did grow in my belly, she said that she wished she did too and began to cry. It took every ounce of my being to choke back my own tears. I hugged her tight and told her that where she "grew" did not make a difference to us. We loved her just as much as we loved Nicky and Reagan. We were a family in search of baby and she was a baby that needed a family. God had a master plan and we were a match made in heaven. She was meant to be our daughter whether she grew in my tummy or not.
She hugged me back and said, "I love you and I am glad God picked you to be my Mommy", rolled over and fell asleep.
I am so thankful that these girls not only share the bond of sisterhood, but adoption too. As they get older and they better understand their adoption stories, they will not only have us, but they will have each other.